Mar 08

WANTED: SEAWORTHY BOAT CAT

Tag: musingsjonny5waldman @ 5:28 am
Smart, responsible guy seeking cat to live onboard a small, clean, mouse-free sailboat. Cat must be trained to use litterbox and not get claustrophobic or seasick. Cat must not get scared near loud power tools or dig his/her claws into the sails or piss on the cushions or chew on electrical wires. Cat must not have allergies to epoxy or fiberglass. Cat must not mind swearing or heavy drinking or long, loud sea shanties. Ideally, cat would be a proficient swimmer. In a perfect world, cat would also be skilled at fishing and scaring away seagulls, and not mind drinking saltwater. International travel opportunities for the right cat. Ugly hairless cats need not apply. International applicants (with proper papers) are encouraged to apply. Applicants should submit a video demonstrating their abilities to Jonny. For reference purposes: *This cat does not meet requirements, and should be sent to aquatic school for further training. Pathetic. *This cat has sufficient swimming skills, and impressive navigational skills, but seems to lack the innate desire to attack ducks or go onto the boat. It would surely perish at sea. *This cat also has sufficient swimming skills, and a demonstrated ability to return to the boat, but it’s pretty slow and appears to need assistance. I’d consider this cat for an apprentice-level position. *This cat is perfect. Bold, assertive, strong, fearless, persistent. Note the cat’s skills with its claws: it doesn’t dig its claws into the inflatable dinghy, while it does use its claws to climb the rope. Impressive.

3 Responses to “WANTED: SEAWORTHY BOAT CAT”

  1. Kristin says:

    Dude, that cat kicks ass! Good luck on your search for the perfect boat cat!

  2. Dan says:

    The slow cat clearly has the best taste in music.

  3. Wal says:

    Well, I know a thing or two about cats.

    Wal

Leave a Reply